It was a year ago today that the Prince completely had a melt down on the phone with me...  He actually cried.  Amazing I know.

I know this because I was at my friends bday when I was forced to call him after receiving a text stating "Why do I even try with you anymore"... We had a heart to heart where I explained I didn't like how I was being treated... he cried... I calmed him and returned to the party.  I told him I was at the store.  I didn't need him knowing too much about what was going on in my life.  I was strong at that moment.  I had quietly stepped away from him moving towards freeing myself from his abusive ways.  He definitely was affected by this but not for the reasons you would think.. or the reasons I thought at the time.  You would think he would feel sad cause he felt like he was losing me.  NO.  He felt sad because he felt like he had lost CONTROL of me.

Let me explain.

We had just been through couples counseling which was a complete failure!  I not only had to fly him up for the appointments I had to pay for almost all of them as well.  What a waste of money.  It failed because he didn't go for us... he went for him.  Instead of trying to find some common ground for us to build a stronger foundation within our relationship he went to (and I quote him) "Prove that you (me) are crazy".  He went to seek faults in me..... to ultimately verify that I am a defective human.

Since we lived in different parts of California we had made a habit of chatting with each other on Skype or IChat nightly to keep in touch with each other.. a sort of digital date.  It became a problem for me where I would sit around waiting for hours for him.. sometimes he would show up and it would be great. ... other times he would blow me off or show up wasted and we would fight.  I wasted so much of my time planning around HIS schedule and waiting on HIM.  I missed birthday parties, dinners with friends etc etc.. you get the point.  I was always at home waiting.....

It reminds me of a Mark Twain quote ,"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"  That's exactly what I had done.  He was my priority but I was only an option to him.

I noticed this sometime in late March or early April of last year and I decided to change it.  I went about my business.  I didn't wait around to see him every night.  I made plans with my friends and went to birthday parties (IE this night exactly last year).  We didn't chat online for over a week.  He did not like this. Thus the phone conversation that night with him crying.

I took it as he was scared to lose me.  That was not so.  He was scared because he lost control of me.  I was doing what I wanted for the first time and it was not a good experience for him.

Unfortunately I translated this wrong.  I thought he was scared to lose me and babied him once again back into my arms just so he could start the vicious cycle over again.

Ughh...  Sometimes I hate myself for being so compassionate and human. I try to see the best in people even when there is no good to be seen.   Hopefully I have learned yet another lesson in human nature here.

I wish I had followed my gut and just walked away at this point.  I would have saved myself a year of emotional torture.  Again.. You truly are a douche my dear old friend.  Thanks for the memories!