Someday... This world of made up reality and lies that you think "protects" you is going to bite you back. You will fall flat on your face.
I understand it crushed your fragile ego to see that I had started this blog and had plans to leave you before I came down to your house that weekend.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The Five Stages of Grief.
1. Denial
2. Bargaining
3. Depression
4. Anger
5. ACCEPTANCE
I am FINALLY in the anger stage! After my legal woes ended and I got back to work I finally had sometime to heal this damn broken heart of mine and what I found out is that I"M %^$&#*$ PISSED!
Great stage to be in. FINALLY! Fool me once... shame on you. Fool me twice... SHAME ON ME! BAD ME! I fell for the Princes shit not only twice but let him treat me like a piece of shit for almost a full year catering to his little pathetic ego!
So if my posts seem ranty and ravey .....they are. They may be for sometime until I have cleansed my system of that foul foul man. I told him during our time together repeatedly that he was treating me like "B" (The most abusive person I have ever known).. and he did but he even went further. I will heal for sure. But now is the time for me to speak my anger and I will.
The train shut down yesterday and my lovely ex bfriend whom I am very close with (who the prince ridiculed and directed terrible actions to.. I can tell that story later) was stuck in another city with noway to get home. I offered to pick him up. Once he was in my car I told him... "Omg BF.. I fucked up last night!" He was like "uh oh H what did you do?!" I stated, "I fell down, lost my books and emailed the Prince! I emailed him "You are a piece of SHIT. go look in the mirror for five minutes" and... "Oh and you look fat in that video BTW"...
BF Started to chuckle hysterically like a little kid!! It was effen hilarious! He was like "It's always bad to drunk text or email anything but THAT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS H!"
Cheered me up. Thanks BF!
2. Bargaining
3. Depression
4. Anger
5. ACCEPTANCE
I am FINALLY in the anger stage! After my legal woes ended and I got back to work I finally had sometime to heal this damn broken heart of mine and what I found out is that I"M %^$&#*$ PISSED!
Great stage to be in. FINALLY! Fool me once... shame on you. Fool me twice... SHAME ON ME! BAD ME! I fell for the Princes shit not only twice but let him treat me like a piece of shit for almost a full year catering to his little pathetic ego!
So if my posts seem ranty and ravey .....they are. They may be for sometime until I have cleansed my system of that foul foul man. I told him during our time together repeatedly that he was treating me like "B" (The most abusive person I have ever known).. and he did but he even went further. I will heal for sure. But now is the time for me to speak my anger and I will.
The train shut down yesterday and my lovely ex bfriend whom I am very close with (who the prince ridiculed and directed terrible actions to.. I can tell that story later) was stuck in another city with noway to get home. I offered to pick him up. Once he was in my car I told him... "Omg BF.. I fucked up last night!" He was like "uh oh H what did you do?!" I stated, "I fell down, lost my books and emailed the Prince! I emailed him "You are a piece of SHIT. go look in the mirror for five minutes" and... "Oh and you look fat in that video BTW"...
BF Started to chuckle hysterically like a little kid!! It was effen hilarious! He was like "It's always bad to drunk text or email anything but THAT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS H!"
Cheered me up. Thanks BF!
Really!?
You are seriously dating that FAT chick that I proved you had booty calls with while we were dating?! Really..?@??@ Is she that weak?! You are a terrible human. TERRIBLE. You will see all of this when you are are your death bed... People like you don't die peacefully.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It was a year ago today that the Prince completely had a melt down on the phone with me... He actually cried. Amazing I know.
I know this because I was at my friends bday when I was forced to call him after receiving a text stating "Why do I even try with you anymore"... We had a heart to heart where I explained I didn't like how I was being treated... he cried... I calmed him and returned to the party. I told him I was at the store. I didn't need him knowing too much about what was going on in my life. I was strong at that moment. I had quietly stepped away from him moving towards freeing myself from his abusive ways. He definitely was affected by this but not for the reasons you would think.. or the reasons I thought at the time. You would think he would feel sad cause he felt like he was losing me. NO. He felt sad because he felt like he had lost CONTROL of me.
Let me explain.
We had just been through couples counseling which was a complete failure! I not only had to fly him up for the appointments I had to pay for almost all of them as well. What a waste of money. It failed because he didn't go for us... he went for him. Instead of trying to find some common ground for us to build a stronger foundation within our relationship he went to (and I quote him) "Prove that you (me) are crazy". He went to seek faults in me..... to ultimately verify that I am a defective human.
Since we lived in different parts of California we had made a habit of chatting with each other on Skype or IChat nightly to keep in touch with each other.. a sort of digital date. It became a problem for me where I would sit around waiting for hours for him.. sometimes he would show up and it would be great. ... other times he would blow me off or show up wasted and we would fight. I wasted so much of my time planning around HIS schedule and waiting on HIM. I missed birthday parties, dinners with friends etc etc.. you get the point. I was always at home waiting.....
It reminds me of a Mark Twain quote ,"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option" That's exactly what I had done. He was my priority but I was only an option to him.
I noticed this sometime in late March or early April of last year and I decided to change it. I went about my business. I didn't wait around to see him every night. I made plans with my friends and went to birthday parties (IE this night exactly last year). We didn't chat online for over a week. He did not like this. Thus the phone conversation that night with him crying.
I took it as he was scared to lose me. That was not so. He was scared because he lost control of me. I was doing what I wanted for the first time and it was not a good experience for him.
Unfortunately I translated this wrong. I thought he was scared to lose me and babied him once again back into my arms just so he could start the vicious cycle over again.
Ughh... Sometimes I hate myself for being so compassionate and human. I try to see the best in people even when there is no good to be seen. Hopefully I have learned yet another lesson in human nature here.
I wish I had followed my gut and just walked away at this point. I would have saved myself a year of emotional torture. Again.. You truly are a douche my dear old friend. Thanks for the memories!
I know this because I was at my friends bday when I was forced to call him after receiving a text stating "Why do I even try with you anymore"... We had a heart to heart where I explained I didn't like how I was being treated... he cried... I calmed him and returned to the party. I told him I was at the store. I didn't need him knowing too much about what was going on in my life. I was strong at that moment. I had quietly stepped away from him moving towards freeing myself from his abusive ways. He definitely was affected by this but not for the reasons you would think.. or the reasons I thought at the time. You would think he would feel sad cause he felt like he was losing me. NO. He felt sad because he felt like he had lost CONTROL of me.
Let me explain.
We had just been through couples counseling which was a complete failure! I not only had to fly him up for the appointments I had to pay for almost all of them as well. What a waste of money. It failed because he didn't go for us... he went for him. Instead of trying to find some common ground for us to build a stronger foundation within our relationship he went to (and I quote him) "Prove that you (me) are crazy". He went to seek faults in me..... to ultimately verify that I am a defective human.
Since we lived in different parts of California we had made a habit of chatting with each other on Skype or IChat nightly to keep in touch with each other.. a sort of digital date. It became a problem for me where I would sit around waiting for hours for him.. sometimes he would show up and it would be great. ... other times he would blow me off or show up wasted and we would fight. I wasted so much of my time planning around HIS schedule and waiting on HIM. I missed birthday parties, dinners with friends etc etc.. you get the point. I was always at home waiting.....
It reminds me of a Mark Twain quote ,"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option" That's exactly what I had done. He was my priority but I was only an option to him.
I noticed this sometime in late March or early April of last year and I decided to change it. I went about my business. I didn't wait around to see him every night. I made plans with my friends and went to birthday parties (IE this night exactly last year). We didn't chat online for over a week. He did not like this. Thus the phone conversation that night with him crying.
I took it as he was scared to lose me. That was not so. He was scared because he lost control of me. I was doing what I wanted for the first time and it was not a good experience for him.
Unfortunately I translated this wrong. I thought he was scared to lose me and babied him once again back into my arms just so he could start the vicious cycle over again.
Ughh... Sometimes I hate myself for being so compassionate and human. I try to see the best in people even when there is no good to be seen. Hopefully I have learned yet another lesson in human nature here.
I wish I had followed my gut and just walked away at this point. I would have saved myself a year of emotional torture. Again.. You truly are a douche my dear old friend. Thanks for the memories!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Hello. My name is Prince Charming and I'm a DOUCHE!
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally, I can see you crystal clear.
Go ahead and sell me out and-a I'll lay your ship bare.
See how I leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling...
We could have had it all...
Rolling in the Deep
You had my heart inside...... of your hand
And you played it.... To the beat
Baby I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn.
Think of me in the depths of your despair.
Making a home down there, as mine sure won't be shared...
The scars of your love...
Remind me of us...... They keep me thinking...... that we almost had it all.
The scars of your love...... they leave me breathless...
I can't help feeling... ... We could have had it all... .. Rolling in the Deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside...... of your hand
And you played it... .. To the beat...
Could have had it all
Rolling in the deep.
You had my heart inside of your hand,
But you played it with a beating.
Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow.
We could have had it all
We could have had it all
It all.
It all
It all
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside...... of your hand
And you played it... ... to the beat
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside..... of your hand
But you played it
You played it.
You played it.
You played it to the beat.
I wish I had never met you. Or at least gone down to LBC August 2008. Wish I had missed the first kiss. Wish I never laid eyes on you (haha nice grease ref).. No but really. If I had not started chatting with you I would have never believed in your lies and stories that you told me only to gain control and play me like an effen yo yo. I didn't even remember any of that shit til you racked it into my brain repeatedly. I was young. I didn't need your bullshit lies about "high school". I doubt any of it is true. Just another dumb ass story... Another made up reality for whom other but YOU! You truly are a douche my old friend.
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally, I can see you crystal clear.
Go ahead and sell me out and-a I'll lay your ship bare.
See how I leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling...
We could have had it all...
Rolling in the Deep
You had my heart inside...... of your hand
And you played it.... To the beat
Baby I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn.
Think of me in the depths of your despair.
Making a home down there, as mine sure won't be shared...
The scars of your love...
Remind me of us...... They keep me thinking...... that we almost had it all.
The scars of your love...... they leave me breathless...
I can't help feeling... ... We could have had it all... .. Rolling in the Deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside...... of your hand
And you played it... .. To the beat...
Could have had it all
Rolling in the deep.
You had my heart inside of your hand,
But you played it with a beating.
Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow.
We could have had it all
We could have had it all
It all.
It all
It all
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside...... of your hand
And you played it... ... to the beat
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside..... of your hand
But you played it
You played it.
You played it.
You played it to the beat.
I wish I had never met you. Or at least gone down to LBC August 2008. Wish I had missed the first kiss. Wish I never laid eyes on you (haha nice grease ref).. No but really. If I had not started chatting with you I would have never believed in your lies and stories that you told me only to gain control and play me like an effen yo yo. I didn't even remember any of that shit til you racked it into my brain repeatedly. I was young. I didn't need your bullshit lies about "high school". I doubt any of it is true. Just another dumb ass story... Another made up reality for whom other but YOU! You truly are a douche my old friend.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Crockpot Cookin...
Just some posts the Prince should review. I urge the Prince to read these carefully and entirely this time. It just may save the ones he is screwing with right now. I feel bad for them but they know what they are in for cause they watched him do it to me like I watched him do it to is ex. But I feel bad mostly for him. A Relationship with a con artist is not really a relationship. It's a sham. What a lonely life it must be for him. And the constant juggling of all these different realities he has.... All these double lives he lives. I can't imagine it. No wonder why his anger comes out while he is sleeping.
How many alias's do you have again Prince? Was that 5 you told me two nights before we broke up?
Wish I had started this years ago.... Or at least ...
"I will contact you when I contact you"
Did I make it through the weekend?
Did you really just say that?
It could be worse.
Beware the false motives of others.
Forgive them Father for they know not what they do...
Please girls read my Blog if you "think" you are dating this man!! If you think you are "special" or "the one" you are mistaken. He has another two of "you" lined up waiting. Trust me. I used to be one of them and so did you.
How many alias's do you have again Prince? Was that 5 you told me two nights before we broke up?
Wish I had started this years ago.... Or at least ...
"I will contact you when I contact you"
Did I make it through the weekend?
Did you really just say that?
It could be worse.
Beware the false motives of others.
Forgive them Father for they know not what they do...
Please girls read my Blog if you "think" you are dating this man!! If you think you are "special" or "the one" you are mistaken. He has another two of "you" lined up waiting. Trust me. I used to be one of them and so did you.
Monday, January 3, 2011
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