It could be worse.

A long time friend is going through a far more dramatic situation but the feelings and emotional roller coasters are the same.  I am about three weeks ahead in the process so at some points of the anger and frustration I was a few steps ahead in the healing process.

Here are a few things that I told him.

***Panic is also my worst enemy right now. I just keep saying this too shall pass. this too shall pass.

Another thing that I think about everyday is that it could be worse. I could still be where I was one month ago. Still everyday experiencing some new abuse that crippled my soul. I am in pain for sure but at least it is not compounding anymore. Now I just have to heal from the wounds that have been made... not new ones that were being made daily.

My Friend:
"She is desperate and busted in a web of manipulation and lying and stealing and abuse so intricately dense I am astounded. " 

Going through that right now too to the point that I just can't try to figure or sort it out anymore ... There is absolutely nothing I can do and I'm not going to spend my healing time defending myself from a very real situation and experience. ****

And it could be worse.  I could still be emotionally beaten everyday with new wounds but I am not.  I am away from the games and manipulations.  Well almost.   He pulled out some shit this week but luckily it did not bother me.   Like a child he gave some of his friends my blog URL and they started posting comments like junior high school kids leaving hate mail in my locker in 8th grade.  It was as empty as all of his lies that he told me and everyone else he knows.

The weirdest reaction I got was the first day I saw all my friends after the Prince and I broke up.  It was only 2 days later.  I was still an emotional pile of shit.  Several of my friends ran up to me as soon as they saw me and gave me a great big hug and said "Congratulations!!!"

I was like ,"whu?  I'm so sad?!  Why would you say that?"

Because.  They watched me go from being happy to crying several times a week based on the moods of the Prince and what "ultimatum" he was to give me at that moment.  Because they were witness to the overall emotional destruction that he projected onto me.  Because they want me to be happy and they knew he was crushing my spirit.  They know the details from day to day because I told them in real time (even tho I wasnt' "allowed" to) and they were waiting for this moment and genuinely happy for me that I had taken my first step away from this heinously abusive world that I had gotten lost in.  They even said , "It's nice to have you back!!"

So I asked one of my friends, "Why were you so nice to him all the time?"

His response, "Because you always brought him around"