And let the games begin....

Well that was the FASTEST turn around.  Yesterday he is threatening to call the cops on me if I'm not our of his apartment by 11am and today I get....
"

a: I don't know why you're sticking to this ***** thing you know that just turns me on. :)

yes you have the memory of an elephant. Thank god because I can't remember anything if it's not written down. But good memory aside, you're also the score keeper in this relationship. we both know what that will do in a relationship. Score keeping tears a relationship apart because no one will ever be equal within the relationship at the same time. Someone will always be ahead and someone will always be behind. But somehow the scorekeeper usually stays ahead for the majority of the relationship. Why is that? Why is scorekeeping so important? Why isn't me just being completely in love with you enough to get through times of doubt?

 
And here it starts.  His attempt to keep my wounds open for whatever reason.   To keep the door open while he thinks of an even better story to cover up his actions and keep me emotionally involved.

It's not that I "keep score".  I am very observant and I pay attention to small details.   I don't even know what to type about this blurb he wrote because it's empty.  There is nothing there but an attempt to keep me in the game by sweet talking me.  I'll move on.

He started this initial communication today with,

"If you wanted out you just had to say so.  You didn't need to start a fight"

This is a manipulation to make me responsible for our demise.  To take the attention off of him.   I wanted out so I started a fight about nothing to use as my excuse.  NO.  This is not what happened and you can see that very clearly if you read my last post.  He got caught doing something wrong and doesn't want to own it.  So why not try to confuse me into thinking it was my fault because I intended it to happen all along.  I did not intend to see booty call texts in his phone.  I clearly stated that I wanted to be proven wrong.  I did not want him to hide phone calls and texts from me.  I DID NOT want him to tell me to produce solid proof or shut the fuck up.   The Prince is an expert at diversion.  So here I am.  And I'm feeling very defensive right now which means that it's having an effect on me!

NOOOOOOO!!!!

He has sent me about 15 emails.  I will not read them because the inaccuracies are so astounding that it begs me to respond but I don't want to get all mixed up in a "he said she said".  This will only confuse me further!

The facts are that he needs to cop out and come clean with any and all lies, manipulations and games before I even think about opening those emails.  I can feel the games beginning again and I really need to break this cycle!!    

I have sent him this response.

"If you want to cop out and come clean to all your games lies and manipulations I am willing to read all this and chat with you..  Take your time.  If you have any questions about dates and times and what you made ME believe was going on I'll let you know.  I Have the memory of an elephant.

Otherwise,  I AM DEAD TO YOU"

I cannot go another round and get all emotionally tied up to fall into the same pattern as these issues get tucked under the rug again.  I can already feel myself getting confused.  He is blowing up my email right now with witty little cutsie inside jokey responses to my email.

I am going to use all I have to stick to my guns.  All I ask for in a relationship is Honesty, Transparency and Loyalty.  I am dead to him if he can't come clean with all he's done.

I had more on my mind but I'm so confused right now I'll have to continue later.  I do know that this is a scary feeling that I'm going through right now.  I'm calm and not upset.  This is the feeling I get when we start the cycle over.  My panic of saying goodbye goes away.  I shouldn't be feeling this calm right now and I'm afraid that his manipulations have worked on me.


I NEED STRENGTH!